


The silent promise of a charmed life together.

by Kami_cullen



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I have no idea what I'm doing, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 04:14:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12424812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kami_cullen/pseuds/Kami_cullen
Summary: Simon has a panic attack and Baz is there for him being a good boyfriend, it's mostly domestic fluff, I wanted to write something super sexual and ended up with this.





	The silent promise of a charmed life together.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! this is my first Snowbaz fanfic, I haven't written fanfiction in YEARS (since my Twihard days) but I just fell in love with this two cinnamon rolls and had to do something to get them out of my head (Did not work), it is also my first attempt to write fanfition in english (I'm from Ecuador, and we speak Spanish here), so I hope it's understandable, this is not edited so there might me maaaany mistakes, so please don't be too hard on me, and enjoy :D

**Baz:**

It’s been three months since Simon found out that the Mage was his father, and _I_ seem to be a little bit on edge even since, let me explain why, at the beginning Simon took the news surprisingly well, he didn’t cry or had a meltdown or anything like that, but after only three days of finding out, he had his first panic attack, he got so scared he made himself sick and he said he was sure he was having a heart attack, Bunce was out of town and so I panicked and started casting healing spells, turns out that those spells only work on wounds or in more, well, physical illnesses, so I ended up taking him to the Normals hospital and they explained us what was going on.

Simon talked about it with his therapist and she apparently told him that it was a normal reaction to that kind of situation, she gave him some info and tips to control them, but it has been really hard on him. I’m sure I couldn’t deal with that but Simon is strong, stronger than me.

The thing is, sometimes there’s a trigger sometimes it just happens, and I worry, I feel like I’m on edge all the time, waiting for a crisis to happen, we’ve been dating for over a year now and I guess we just take life as it comes, sometimes it's shitty but mostly it's a good life, a life I didn’t think I could ever have.

Today we had lunch together and now I’m walking to my university’s library to do a project with some of my classmates, I get there, get settled, and we start our homework, it’s been less than half an hour when the stupid song that Simon put as his ringtone starts to ring loudly. Did I mention I’ve been on edge for the last three months? So when the phone rings, I instantly worry.

“Simon. Is everything ok?”  
“N-no, can you come pick me up?, please” I can hear he is breathing really fast  
“What happened?! where are you?!”  
“Just a few blocks away, sitting on a bench, I kinda… panicked a little, but I’m not hurt or anything I just, I-I need you” I relax instantly and try to use a reassuring voice  
“Ok, I understand, breathe love, I’m on my way, I’ll be there in no time, don’t move” He let’s out a broken chuckle  
“I don’t think I could, even if I tried” he tries to joke, It breaks my heart a little.

I don’t even realize I’m running until I’m out of the building and into the streets again, I just left. My laptop, books, and notebooks forgotten, I run really fast, no caring a single fuck if anyone sees me running at vampire speed, I just have to get to him. I have only ran a couple blocks when I see him, he’s sitting on a bench hugging his knees and shaking like crazy, some people are passing by and they give him strange looks and I want to bite them all, I collect myself for a second before I approach him.

I sit next to him quietly, put my arm around his shoulders, and bring him close to me, he is sobbing, his eyes are red and puffy, his cheeks flushed and he is sweating and shaking, he looks so young we he's like this, It makes me want to keep him safe from this horrible world that wants to break my beautiful boy.

He lets go of his knees to hug me tight, I can feel his hands shaking on my back  
“hey love” I say softly putting my hand on his curls “it’s ok now, I’m right here, you’re ok” I let him cry a few more minutes because sometimes it seems to help, then I take one of his hands and put it on my chest, I discovered by the third panic attack that the ‘numbers technique’ that his therapist gave him doesn’t work on him, she told him to inhale counting to three, hold his breath counting from three to five and exhale counting from five to eleven.

He tried it a couple times but said he was to panicked to count, so instead whenever he has a panic attack I bring his hand to my chest and breath slowly, letting him feel the slow pase so he can match it with his on own breathing, the bloody therapist said that we should not use that a regular way to calm him down because I wouldn't always be able to be there when he has a crisis (damn her for being right)

After about fifteen minutes he stops crying and starts breathing a bit slower  
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” I ask softly, he hesitates but starts talking  
“I was just waiting for the bus and this… man, sat next to me, and he- he … looked just like him, like- like the Mage and, he looked directly at my eyes, it made feel so uncomfortable, I tried to ignored him but he kept looking at me and then there was just so many people around, it felt too crowded and I started to loose control so I tried to get back to the library to wait for you but I ended up sitting here out of breath and shaking, so yeah… I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have called you, I knew you had study group, this was no big deal”  
“Everything that happens to you is a big deal to me, I’m glad you called, my classmates will understand, besides I don’t care about them, I care about you” He just nods but I can tell he feels guilty, I hate that he feels that way about something he barely has control of “I’m done studying for today (I lie), but I left my stuff at the library. Do you want to wait for me while I go get it?”  
“No, I want to go with you, if that’s ok” He says shyly, like he thinks I’d be embarrassed to be seen with him in front of my classmates. He does look like a hot mess, all puffy red eyes and sweaty forehead but I don’t give a fuck, they can think whatever they want, I’ll take my boyfriend with me, I just gave him the chance to wait in case he didn’t want to be seen.

I take his hand and help him up after I wiped the tears out of his face and combed his bronce curls out of his forehead, he gives me a soft smile and that makes him look a little more like himself.

We make the walk in silence, and when we enter the library all my classmates are still there, Simon says a shy ‘hello’ and grips my hand tight, every eye is on us, and I don’t know if they look surprised by the fact that I have a boyfriend or because said boyfriend looks like a lost puppy right now, I don’t care if it’s the first one but I don’t want anyone looking at Simon like he is some kind of freak (only I can do that)

One of my classmates (Matt, I think) starts talking while I’m collecting all my stuff  
“Hey, I think I know you!, you always go to my mom’s bakery to buy scones and sweet drinks” Simon instantly smiles, sometimes when he is sad and clingy I tend to forget he is the social one in this relationship  
“Yeah, I’ve seen you there, the scones are for me and the extremely sweet beverages are usually for Baz, he drinks candy. I’m Simon by the way”  
“Todd” oh, so he’s not Matt then “How come Basilton has never introduced us to his boyfriend, whom by the way seems way more laid-back than him”  
“Because he’s cooler than me and will steal all my friends” I say half jokingly and grab his hand “Now we have to go, I’ll send you my part of the project later this evening, goodbye gentleman”  
They all wave at Simon as he says goodbye.

My flat is a lot closer than his, so we decide to walk there, Fiona is on some kind of vacation in America so Simon will stay the night.

When we get to my place he looks exhausted, he always ends up super tired after a panic attack, and I wonder if it’s like that for everybody

“Go take a nap, we can figure out dinner after you wake up, I’ll be working on some homework on the kitchen table” I lean in and kiss his temple, he looks at me with big blue eyes  
“can I borrow your grey sweatshirt?” Hi asks hopeful. I own one sweatshirt (with my university’s logo) and Simon adores it, it’s too big for him, the sleeves cover his hands entirely and he says it’s just really confortable but I think he likes it so much because it makes him feel somehow safe because it’s a little too big and because it’s mine (I was tempted to just give it to him but it smells like him after he wears it so I always get it back just so I can have his smell with me, I know, I’m disturbed)  
“Sure love” He smiles real big and gives me a kiss before running to my room.

After a few minutes I try to continue with the project I was supposed to do with my classmates but I keep hearing Simon trashing in bed, I tried to ignored it for like ten minutes but after eight years of being ultra aware of every single one of his moves it’s something I can’t exactly turn off, besides the vampire hearing doesn’t help, I know he his exhausted but seems unable to fall sleep.

I know he doesn’t want to annoy me asking me to keep him company, but not so secretly I love it when he needs me, it makes me feel safe, useful and loved, it is probably a bad codependent thing but I kind of like it, so I take my computer and go to my room, Simon lifts his head when he hears me, his curls are a mess and he looks extra adorable in my sweatshirt

“Do you mind if I finish my assignment here?” He shakes his head, and rolls to his side of the bed, I sit next to him and he comes close putting his arm around my torso. it takes him less than two minutes to fall asleep.

On the contrary it takes me about two hours to finish my assignment, so I just let Simon sleep next to me the whole time, he barely moves (I knew he was exhausted) and when I’m done, I lie down next to him and put my head in the space between his neck and shoulder and close my eyes for a few seconds. Sometimes it’s hard for me to accept how much I love him but I try to be there for him when he needs me and he knows that’s a my way to show him love instead of just saying it, that just works for us.

it’s almost eight pm, so I shake Simon awake, he gives me a lazy smile that I love and cuddles a little bit closer

“You look a lot better Si”  
“I feel a lot better, and kinda hungry!” I laugh out loud, because I don’t have to restrain myself, because he is adorable and because he never judges me “Can we order pizza and watch a movie?”  
“Sure, why don’t you call while I take a shower”  
“I have a better idea, why do we take a shower and then order pizza” I smile  
“Sounds like a plan to me”

A few hours later we’re curled up on the couch, Simon is once again wearing my sweatshirt and we are watching the second movie of the night, we are spooning so Simon’s back is against my chest and I have an arm over his stomach, his breathing is slow so is think hi’s fallen sleep but then he rolls on his side so he’s facing me

“Thank you” He says softly  
“what for?”  
“for everything, for a villain you turned out to be a softy”  
“oh, fuck off Snow” I say but it comes out somehow sweetly  
“But seriously, thank you for been there for me, and taking care of me, thank you for been my high when I’m low, and my rock when I’m scared. I love you Baz” I put my head on his chest just so he doesn’t see my eyes water  
“I love you too, Simon” I say in a low voice and I mean it.

Some times when I look back at all the horrible things that we had to go through I wish I could tell my younger self that even though there will always be battles to fight and problems to face, things will get better, I wish I could tell myself that I will feel loved, that I will feel safe, that someday I will cry because I feel so overwhelmed by love that I’m not gonna know what to do with myself, my younger self probably won’t believe me, but I think that’s one of the wonderful things about our future, that we don’t even know how good it’s going to get, as long as my future is with Simon, I’m ready for whatever life throws at us.

But right this second with him curled in my arms I feel full, content and complete, and I wouldn’t change the past because it brought me to this moment, with be boy I love in my arms, and a story to write ahead of us, so I kiss Simon with the silent promise of a charmed life together.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you like it :D and id there is any mistakes with grammar or spelling or something like that please let me know so I can fix it! ( English is not my first lenguaje)


End file.
